


Soldiers of Fortune

by perspi



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Gen, Humor, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-12
Updated: 2011-09-12
Packaged: 2017-10-23 16:19:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perspi/pseuds/perspi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire: Five-0.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soldiers of Fortune

**Author's Note:**

> An A-Team/H50 fusion, inspired by **sheafrotherdon** 's [post suggesting one way Season 2 might go down](http://sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com/619280.html), and by the A-Team episode synopsis for "The Beast From the Belly of a Boeing."

Danny shifts from foot to foot, his hands tight around the assault rifle to at least minimize the obviousness of his agitation. He's feeling unacceptably exposed, waiting on the tarmac like this, so he asks, "Tell me again why we're doing this?"

Chin keeps his face bland and his eyes on the slowly-rolling jet. "The FAA and the TSA don't want anyone to know how big the holes in the system are, the HSA and the FBI don't want anyone to know how badly they fucked up, and the CIA just wants these assholes."

"Fuck, my life was easier without acronyms," Danny grumbles. "Okay, that at least explains why us. Sort of."

Chin pulls his shotgun down from its resting place on his shoulder as two well-dressed men disembark and start over toward them. "Ready?" he asks, and Danny hitches the rifle strap higher on his shoulder.

"As I'll ever be," he answers, and they start walking.

  


* * *

  


Steve's got the fuel line hitched to the jet's belly before he realizes that Kono hasn't yet gotten out of the truck. He fiddles around near the fuel gauges--got to keep up appearances--before he rounds the cab and opens her door. Her fingers are white from her grip on the seat.

He raps his knuckles against her knee. "Hey, you coming?" he asks.

She takes a deep breath and narrows her eyes at whatever she sees through the windshield. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. I mentioned I don't like planes, didn't I?"

Steve forces a bland expression, because Kono has already shown him how not funny she finds flying--their stowaway flight from Honolulu was one of the longest of his life. "We're not even getting on," he promises instead as she climbs out of the cab. He's glancing under the plane to where Danny and Chin are talking to the hijackers, so he barely sees the goon step from around the corner of the truck. Kono strikes silently with a vicious jab to his throat, and the guy goes down with a gurgling wheeze.

"There," she says, making a show of brushing off her hands and turning back to Steve with a smile. "I feel _much_ better." She punches Steve in the shoulder, and he barely hides his wince. "Let's go to work."

  


* * *

  


"So this is the famous Five-Oh," the taller guy--who looks down-home Kansas dressed in a too-shiny suit; Danny decides to call him _Tom_ \--sneers when they're in earshot. "You're popular in the papers."

"You could be too, if you want," Danny calls back. "Little hijacking, little terrorism, little weapons trafficking--good story--and the best part is, in your case, it's all _true_."

The shorter guy--less Kansas, more fake-tanned LA; he's definitely a _Dick_ \--asks, "Where's the other two?"

Chin shakes his head. "You called us," he answers stonily, "you get what we give you."

Dick scowls and opens his mouth like he's going to say something, but Danny's hot and cranky and really not in the mood for a pissing contest. "Look, if you need to compare _cojones_ or whatever to establish your credentials, lemme save us all some time; Chin Ho Kelly's are bigger, end of story, and now we come to: _your point_." He rolls one hand in a grand 'after you' gesture.

The two hijackers share a skeptical look, but Dick clears his throat and turns back to Chin. "Word is you're good at disappearing."

"Little hard to disappear with sixty hostages, brah," Chin answers and tilts his head meaningfully at the parked jet.

"Can you do it?" Tom asks sharply.

Danny bristles, "Apparently you don't hear so good: Disappearing you and your buddies was never the problem. The hostages are."

"They don't have to be a problem," Dick says with a too-casual shrug, and this time Chin steps forward with a growl.

"You get them off the plane, unharmed, and twenty-five thousand, cash, for each of your crew we need to deal with," Chin says, his eyes narrow, " _then_ we can do business."

  


* * *

  


Steve watches Danny and Chin follow the two suits back toward the plane, and before long, the hostages start filing down the stairs to huddle on the tarmac. They're surprisingly quiet, almost meek, which Steve finds surprising until he notices they're uniformly listless--probably drugged, maybe through the air system. It's what Steve would do, anyway.

They're just finishing unhooking the fuel line when Kono jabs her elbow into Steve's ribs. "Boss," she hisses.

Steve turns in time to see the taller suit clocking Danny a glancing blow with the butt of Danny's assault rifle, and then the goons are herding Chin and Danny toward the stairs. The shorter suit cranks one arm in a clear signal to the pilot, and the engines rumble to life.

"Shit!" Steve shouts over the rising whine of the engines. "Kono, come on!"

"Come on where?" she shouts back, shaking her head when Steve points up at the cargo door latch. "NO FUCKING WAY."

"THEY GOT DANNY AND CHIN!" Steve shouts, and by this point it's mostly just miming and lipreading. Kono gives him a glare, but she plants one foot in his outstretched hands and accepts his lift to the door. She pops it open and shimmies in, and Steve has a moment to wonder about how he's going to get up there before Kono nudges the top of his head with the toe of her boot. She's hanging half-in and half-out, braced in the door and with one leg inside, offering him the other. He grabs onto her ankle just as the plane starts rolling, and together they get him close enough to the lip that he can grab on and pull himself in.

  


* * *

  


"Nice, this is nice," Danny grumbles as he lands, hard, in his seat. "First class, I like it, you mind getting me a drink while you're at it, sweetie?" He smiles thinly at Tom, who scowls back while he straps Danny's wrists down to the armrests.

"Fuck you," Tom spits, and he pulls the strap viciously tight.

Danny cuts a look over to Chin. "Pretty sure you don't get that in your standard first-class fare," he muses.

Chin looks thoughtful before he agrees, "Yeah, I think that's extra. Although..." Chin trails off, his eyes narrowed, blatantly checking Tom over and then dismissing him with a raised eyebrow that draws a laugh out of Danny.

Which earns Danny another hit to the head from Tom, and God _damn_ , is that getting old. He shakes his head gently to clear it, the ringing in his ears subsiding in time to hear Chin asking, "--with us?"

Dick buckles in across from them just as the plane starts to pick up speed. "Don't want you disappearing before the job is done, do we?" he asks, and Danny's pretty sure he's got something else up his sleeve; the guy's oozing with it. He shifts his elbow against Chin's, and Chin nudges him back.

  


* * *

  


By the time Steve's got the door sealed, Kono's bouncing in the walkway among the luggage nets, her eyes distant and unfocused, her fists tapping against her thighs like she's gearing up for a prizefight.

"Kono?" he asks, half-shouting over the noise, struggling to get a response from her when she turns her back to pace away. "Kono! Hey, c'mon, I need your help here, _Kono_!"

Everything sways as the plane picks up speed, and Steve catches her as she turns back, gathering her up into a bear hug and stabilizing them both by jamming his shoulder against the net. He talks into her ear, nuzzling close as he dares, "Hey, Kono, Kono, it's me, it's Steve, we gotta job to do, yeah? Come back, come back, stay with me, we'll get our guys and get gone, okay? Kono?"

Finally she takes a deep breath and wraps her hands across Steve's back, her energy coiled and under control again. She nods once, murmurs "Okay," and pulls away. Steve lets her go and steps back with a smile. "Okay?" he confirms.

She knuckles him hard in the shoulder. "You hug me again I'm gonna break your arm."

He holds up both hands. "No more hugging, promise. They got Chin and Danny."

"I know, I saw." She rubs both hands together; the cargo bay is rapidly getting colder. "What's the plan?"

Steve heads toward the front and starts digging in the luggage. "We're going to hijack the plane. From the hijackers."

Kono laughs, still not quite steady, and joins him. "That's it? _That's_ the plan? Danny would tell you that's insane, brah."

"Well, then feel free to come up with a plan," Steve says. "Besides, I am sane, the Navy gave me papers and everything. Uh--" he stops and frowns, holding up a large hot pink plastic dick.

"Not useful," Kono snorts, and at Steve's puzzled look she adds, "for a hijacking, at least," and they go back to digging.

  


* * *

  


Danny tries to hold his tongue, he really does, but he's a curious guy, and if they didn't want him to talk they would have gagged him. Dick and Tom are busy having a conversation, huddled together near the cockpit door, and the grunt standing off to the side looks nothing so much as bored, his eyes half-closed and dull, which leaves a good opening for Danny to converse with Chin. "So it's pretty obvious they don't actually want us to fake papers for them," Danny muses quietly. "There are less obvious ways of getting out of the country than hijacking a purple and orange airplane."

Chin nods, leaning his head ever so slightly toward Danny. "You think there's something on the plane they want?"

"That or the plane itself," Danny answers and flexes his numb fingers. "It's the only thing that makes even a marginal amount of sense. But why us?"

"I'm beginning to think they weren't the ones to make first contact, there," Chin grumbles.

Danny risks a quick look at him; he's still focused intently on the discussion at the cockpit door. "Did I hear that correctly? Are you telling me you think Jenna sent us in here as _bait_?"

Chin's shrug is tiny but speaks volumes. "Got the hostages off the plane, didn't we?"

"Those assholes at--" Danny blows out an angry huff, "whatever alphabet-soup agency would _love_ for us to do their dirty work for them, off the books and risk fr--"

"Or we disappear," Chin murmurs. "Win-win for them."

Danny _thunks_ his head against the seatback. "Jenna--"

"Probably didn't know," Chin says, and Danny has to reluctantly agree. Whoever contacted her with this wouldn't have given her the whole story.

  


* * *

  


Steve slowly pries the cargo elevator door open, just wide enough to get his fingers into the gap. He can hear a muttered conversation off to his right, near the cockpit, but he can't make out what's being said. Most of Steve's line of sight is occupied by a broad, suit-coated back--probably 'security,' if the bulge under the coat is any indication.

If he ducks and twists just right, Steve can see under the guy's elbow, and he spots Chin and Danny, strapped into the first front-facing row of first-class seats. Chin looks fine; Danny has a purpling bruise on the side of his face but his lips are moving, so Steve figures he's fine, too.

He eases the doors open wide enough to fit through and listens.

  


* * *

  


"What are we worth, y'think?" Danny asks idly.

"You and me, not much. Fifty grand from the state, one-fifty or so on the street."

"No wonder Dick was pissed," Danny says and points a finger.

Chin snorts. "Kono'd bring a quarter-mil, but Steve's the one they all really want. I think Wo Fat's offering one-point-two now."

"Why is that not surprising?" Danny mutters grouchily. "You think Kono and Ste--"

"DROP YOUR WEAPONS!"

The shout rings out from behind him, and Danny rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I think," Chin says with a smirk, and they duck down into their seats as far as their restraints allow.

  


* * *

  


When he hears Kono shout, Steve steps up close behind the goon and jams the end of the dildo into his ribs. "You heard the lady," he growls, and the man freezes just long enough for Steve to get hold of his gun.

  


* * *

  


Danny can almost feel Kono's footfalls through his feet as she strides up the aisle. He does _not_ want to be on the receiving end when she's this pissed--and on a plane, no doubt she's livid--but Tom and Dick don't seem have any real knowledge of what they're up against. Of course they turn around and do exactly the wrong thing.

Kono fires twice--a sharp _POP POP_ from just above Danny's head--as they reach for their guns. Dick goes down with a frankly impressive arterial spray of blood arcing from the hole in his throat, but Tom just grunts and hits the wall behind him.

Danny dimly sees the grunt off to the side stiffen, and he shifts his gaze in time to see the top of Steve's head behind the guy, Steve's hand slipping around to grab the gun from the guy's belt.

 _POP POP POP_ stutters from above, and Danny swings his attention back to where Tom is now considerably bloodier and deader than just a moment ago.

Another _thump_ : the grunt in front of Steve lands heavily on the floor. Steve has his gun in one hand, wrist supported by the other, which is holding...Danny blinks, but no, it's still there. Steve is holding a big neon pink dildo, and he's grinning like a lunatic.

"Hey, guys," Steve says half-breathlessly, like he's just so excited to be here, and the only thing Danny can think to answer is, "What the actual fuck?"

  


* * *

  


"Good to see you, too, man," Kono laughs, and she bends to cut Chin free.

Steve turns and steps over the bloody body of the bigger suit; his focus is on the cockpit so he doesn't quite hear Chin's answer. The cockpit door unlatches at the same moment Steve's reaching for the handle, and Steve shouts, "GUYS!" before the world explodes in a flash of white.

  


* * *

  


Danny looks up from his senseless fingers as soon as he hears Steve's shout and two shots from the cockpit, just in time to see Steve falling sideways and a woman in a pilot's uniform half-hanging out of the door.

She orients quickly on Chin, bringing her aim around to make sure she hits him this time, but she's not fast enough: Kono vaults the rear-facing seats in front of Danny and slams into the woman with both feet. Danny can hear the woman's forearm crack just before he hears the gun hit the floor. She'd probably be screaming, if Kono hadn't knocked her out, too.

"Steve?" Danny shouts, Chin yells for Kono, and they're both up and out of their seats. Danny barely hears Kono announcing that the cockpit is clear; his attention is on Steve, who's fallen in a heap on top of Dick's body. Steve's eyes are wide and panicked, and there's a scorched, bloody graze along the side of his head.

  


* * *

  


Steve blinks once, twice, nothing doing. He can hear shouts like they're coming through water, like kids talking in a pool. The side of his head stings like a bitch, but he'd care a lot more about that if he could see.

Hands grab at him, one at his shoulder and one on his wrist, and Steve startles, reflexively pushing his shoulders back and swinging with his free hand. That one also gets caught in a tight grip and suddenly his legs are weighted, _sat on_ , and Steve struggles against everywhere he's held for a moment until somebody gives him a painful flick on the tip of his ear.

"Ow, fuck," he blurts. "Danny?"

One of the hands on his wrists loosens a little, and he can feel warm breath against his ear when Danny leans in. Steve thinks Danny says, "Knock it off or I'll do it again," but it's like he's listening through cotton.

"I'm okay," Steve says in what he thinks is Danny's direction. He consciously relaxes until he feels his wrists being released and the weight on his knees eases away, but as soon as they're gone he's reaching out again, feeling suddenly lost.

  


* * *

  


Steve is most definitely not okay, his reassurances mean jack shit, in Danny's opinion--the man very nearly got his head shot off and is obviously not tracking. "That was _point blank_ , you fucker," Danny growls, "you are not okay!"

"I don't think he can hear you, D," Kono says, and Danny snorts. "You think he'll be okay?"

"Maybe," Chin answers and shoves himself off Steve's knees. "Might be like a flash-bang, and he'll be fine in a day or two."

Steve reaches blindly forward when Chin gets off his knees, and the sight is just heartbreaking. So Danny grabs hold of his hand.

"Point blank, motherfucker," he shouts in Steve's ear, and Steve, the maniac, actually smiles and squeezes Danny's hand, which had only just begun to regain sensation.

"You guys all right?" Steve shouts, far louder than he needs to.

"We're fine, boss," Kono yells close to Steve's head, but Chin calls from the cockpit, "Uh, not really."

  


* * *

  


Steve can feel Danny go tense before he lets go and moves away, and again he's left adrift. He shoves his shoulders into the wall behind him, uses it as leverage to get himself to his feet. "Guys?" he asks into the blackness--his hearing is starting to recover; he can make out individual voices underneath the ringing, now.

Someone grabs Steve's wrist--small hand, iron grip, _Kono_ \--and pulls him forward, holding on tight as he stumbles over whatever he'd landed on. Steve can mostly understand what she's shouting at him, something about 'pilot' and 'landing' and--

"There's nobody flying the plane?" he asks, and he sort of hears a 'yes' in there somewhere, so he says, "I can do it."

  


* * *

  


Danny's near the door of the cockpit when Kono leads Steve close, so Danny's the one in the best position to throttle the crazy bastard. He settles instead for grabbing at Steve's shoulders, ignoring the momentary look of murderous intent that crosses Steve's face, and shouting, "NO NO A THOUSAND TIMES NO CAN YOU EVEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?"

"Danny," Chin says from behind him, "get him in here." Danny turns and sees Chin settling in the pilot's seat, a look of grim determination on his face.

And it's Danny's turn to ask Chin, "What the fuck are _you_ thinking?"

"I've trained on a lot of aircraft, Danny," Steve says just as Chin looks up and answers, "Somebody's got to land the plane."

"He can't see!" Danny yells and then turns to poke his fingers at Steve's face. Steve doesn't move an inch. "You see that? Chin? How the fuck--"

"He can talk me through it," Chin cuts him off, and Danny can feel Steve start to nod. He resists the urge to take Steve by the back of the neck and shake him like a naughty puppy.

"Have you ever--okay, you know what, if you two think you can pull this off, great!" Danny gives in, hauls Steve forward and manhandles him around until he's buckled securely in the copilot's seat. "Kono and I will be in the back, strapping into parachutes and praying."

"Speak for yourself, brah," Kono says from the door.

  


* * *

  


Steve's feeling pretty shitty by the time they land, between the graze on his head, the pounding headache, the squinting to try and focus what little light he can make out, and the constant talking. The landing isn't all that smooth, but they're walking away from it, so he tells Chin good job and grins at the shuddery sigh he gets in response.

He's not exactly sure how they get out of the plane and slip past whatever authorities have descended on the runway they found--all he's really aware of is holding onto Danny, gripping Danny's solid shoulder and using the changes in his posture to anticipate changes in the terrain as they run.

Eventually they're all piled into what feels like an awfully small sedan, Steve leaning hard to starboard onto Danny and Kono (Steve thinks) in the driver's seat. As they careen around a corner (yep, definitely Kono driving), Steve feels something poke him in the side. He reaches around, leaning even more heavily across Danny's lap--earning him a grunt and a huff in his ear--and pulls the thing out of his pocket.

He starts laughing and holds it up. "Oh, hey, a souv--" he starts, and then Danny guffaws from somewhere above him, "Fucking Christ, McGarrett," and then Chin and Kono join in from the front.

  


* * *

  


Chin and Danny and Kono decide, after Steve's cleaned up and asleep, that when they get back to Hawaii, the pink dildo is going in Steve's medal case.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my first readers, especially **sheafrotherdon** and **james**.


End file.
